Are You Being Ghosted by Clients (And What Can You Do About It)?

Is it my imagination or is ghosting by clients on the increase? I’m not thinking of the leads you might have cold contacted and who may (or may not!) be interested in your services. But talking about those ‘hot prospects’ who approached you on the back of a personal recommendation, found you on LinkedIn or stumbled across your website.

You have an initial conversation or two that go well. They seem keen. They invite you to bid for a project. You submit your proposal. And then, abruptly, nothing.

As freelancers, most of us have been there. But that doesn’t make it any less frustrating.

The sound of silence

What intrigues me is why they do it. What’s the psychology behind ghosting? After all, it’s a decidedly unprofessional way of conducting business. And a passive-aggressive way of ending a relationship, which feels like it’s intended to cause hurt.

I can see it’s the easy way out for a client who wants to avoid an awkward conversation. I recognise that they’ve quite possibly found someone better qualified to undertake the task. That hiring circumstances can change (objectives, budget, timing etc). Or that they’re simply too busy dealing with the stuff that life throws at us.

But I can’t believe people don’t have the time to send a polite ‘thanks but no thanks’ email. To ignore someone who’s spent time engaging with you about a project is, frankly, unethical. It betrays a toxic lack of respect for your potential contractors. And risks wider reputational damage.

What’s going on?

Which brings us back to the question of why ghosting might be on the increase.

My guess is that it’s got something to do with the rising levels of incivility we are witnessing across society. Mirrored in developments in modern business culture, where the old certainties about how to treat people have broken down in the face of the growing commodification of life that characterises late capitalism. Reflected in the promotion of a dog-eat-dog mentality by politicians, corporate business owners and commentators who should know better. And fuelled by the sense of anonymity, isolation and lack of personal responsibility that characterise social media.

One might add to this the evident degradation in the quality of client/consultant relationships caused by Covid-19 as face-to-face contact was replaced by video meetings, and levels of personal connection and trust declined.

But I’m just a humble copywriter. What do I know?

You can't always get what you want

So, what should you do when faced with this situation? After all, you’ve racked your brains to see if you might have misread the situation. And sent the prospect several politely phrased messages asking if everything was OK. But they’re still not responding. It looks like the relationship has stalled, probably irretrievably.

What comes next?

You don’t have to do anything. You can accept the relationship isn’t going anywhere and walk away. But, feeling a bit demoralised at this point, I prefer taking some action which provides closure. If the contact is lost for good, you’ve got nothing to lose.

So, I’ll usually send a final email to the effect of: ‘Hi. I haven’t heard from you in a while. I’m not sure what happened there, but I’m not going to pursue this dialogue any further. Best of luck.’

If you think you need something a bit more hard-hitting (particularly if it’s become obvious that they’re deliberately disrespecting you) maybe consider adding a message along the lines of: ‘Please remember, it’s a courtesy to let people know you no longer require their services. This avoids wasting everybody’s time.’

I will survive

Either way, though ghosting is usually about them, not you, it’s worth trying to learn any lessons about what you might do differently next time to minimise the risk of this happening again.

Did you research the prospective client upfront to identify their business values and gauge their likely approach to contractors? Did you ensure you fully understood their project objectives? Did you offer appropriate solutions, set out in user-friendly language? Were there any actions on their part which, in the cold light of day, would normally trigger a red flag?

There. You’re done. You can now move on. Knowing that you occupy the moral high ground!    

And my final message to any clients reading this who think that ghosting people is acceptable: DON’T DO IT if you wish to retain any measure of self-respect or personal credibility. Or I’ll summon some evil spirits to haunt you!

Photo by Finding Dan | Dan Grinwis on Unsplash